The people have spoken

So there's a slight change to the head shaving incentive.  Having been told that I'd get extra donations to make sure I do NOT shave my head (since a friend told me that I'm just crazy dedicated enough to go through with it!), I'm going to let you all decide.  Every "vote" will be a dollar donation.  Provided that I get $2,500 "votes" by June 1, 2012, I'll do whatever you choose.  Just go to the website to make a donation and tell me in the comment whether I should shave my head or save my hair!

Now Accepting Applications

Katie's previous post got me thinking. Sure, the Budweiser Clydesdales are unlikely to break free and attempt to chase us down with the goal of eating us (although they might - I don't know what Budweiser puts in their beer, but it can't possibly be the stuff that's supposed to be in beer). But if they did, I imagine I could run a lot farther a lot faster.

And that is where you, dear readers, come in. We are now accepting applications for the vital role of "Miles 20 to 26.2 Zombie Stalker." This position is responsible for the very important task of motivating Katie and I over the last 6.2 miles of the St. Louis Marathon. You will be required to look and act like a zombie so that Katie and I spend the last 6.2 miles worrying about you trying to eat us rather than the fact that the first person who ran this distance dropped dead at the end of it.

To apply, please contact either Katie or myself and provide a recent 10k time (we need to know you can go the distance, especially while shuffling erratically) and a list of the zombie related media you have consumed in the last year (we need to be sure the motivation feels real). As an added bonus, if you are currently one of the top contributors to Team Golden Colon, volunteering to assist us in this vital role will remove you from the list of people in line to receive a Golden Colon reward (unless you want the Golden Colon statue, in which case doing this qualifies you for the Golden Esophagus add-on reward).

Pretty sure the Clydesdales along the St. Louis Marathon course don't eat humans

Though who knows, maybe they make exceptions for runners?  Nah, I should be safe. Michael will be on his own if the horses turn on us.  Just two more weeks left!

Linguistic genocide might be a bit harsh

The use of hashtags is not approved by Michael.  For someone who loves the passive voice, apparently hashtags are just a bridge too far.  This assault on the Queen's English shall not stand according to my dear husband.  Apparently, he's convinced that hashtags are the equivalent of "linguistic genocide". 

Now that I've got you interested, let me explain how we got to this point.  See, today I got one of the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America's (CCFA's) email blasts about funding for IBD research.  Readers were encouraged to contact their Senators to see that the amount allocated to the Centers for Disease Control for IBD research actually gets funded.  Now, I know that everyone thinks his or her disease is the most grossly underfunded disease out there and I know that the economy is sucky.  But the amount allocated to the CDC for IBD research is less than $700,000.00  That equates to less than $0.50 for each American living with IBD.  Think about that--you can't even buy a soda from a vending machine for that amount.  And that's just what is allocated, and we all know that Congress doesn't always (or ever) fund that amount for research.  So when I forwarded that email to Michael today, I added #whywerun, which led to the first paragraph.

Now, I don't have a problem with hashtags at all, but the more I thought about Michael's comments about language in general, the more I realized that maybe language is part of the problem with IBD's lack of research dollars.  Many of you readers are nurses and already know what's about to come next, but to the lay person a lot of medical terms sound alike.  Case in point--inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) versus irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).  They sound alike and both involve bathroom issues.  Distinction without a difference, right?  IBS isn't any big deal, just an inconvenience, so why all the fuss about funding?  Here's why, according to CCFA's website:  IBS does not produce the destructive inflammation found in IBD, so in many respects it is a less serious condition. It doesn't result in permanent harm to the intestines, intestinal bleeding, or the harmful complications often occurring with IBD. People with IBS are not at higher risk for colon cancer, nor are they more likely to develop IBD or other gastrointestinal diseases. IBS seldom requires hospitalization, and treatment does not usually involve surgery or powerful medications, such as steroids or immunosuppressives. Contrast that with IBD, which is a broad term including Crohn's Disease and ulcerative colitis--not only are patients at higher risk for colon cancer, IBD patients run the risk of bowel perforation, toxic megacolon, fistulas, strictures, abscesses, anemia, malnutrition...the list goes on, but you get the idea.  IBD patients may also  experience complications outside the gastrointestinal tract which can include certain types of arthritis, skin conditions, inflammation of the eye, liver and kidney disorders, and bone loss.  And this is to say nothing of the long-term effects of steroid treatment! 

So, now do you see the difference? 

#languagematters

Unintended Consequences

A wise man (it really doesn't matter which one) once told me the secret to a happy, successful married life was to simply respond "Yes dear" to everything one's wife said. What this wise man (perhaps in retrospect he really wasn't that wise) forgot to mention are a few key points:

1. One's wife will quickly discover that one is not really listening if this strategy is employed too frequently.
2. Once this fact has been discovered, one says "Yes dear" at one's own peril. Wives are devious. They will use your affirmative response to get you to do all kinds of crazy things.

Case in point: At some point along the way, I said "Yes dear" in response to a question (I think there was a question involved) about running a marathon. The disadvantage to being married to a lawyer is that this type of verbal gaffe (unlike Joe Biden's) is legally binding. Hence I have dutifully run alongside Katie (and behind her as she powers ahead) for the past several months, getting ready for the upcoming St. Louis marathon.

I have, however, learned an important lesson: It is actually necessary to listen occasionally before saying "Yes dear." Luckily I learned this lesson before being obligated to buy Katie obscene amounts of sparkly things. I think.

That's all for today - stay tuned for an exciting opportunity to see a Royals game (there are worse teams to watch, I swear) with yours truly (or I'll play DD while you drink to the point you don't have to see a Royals game - your call).

Endorphins are awesome

That's all.  The infamous twenty miler is now in the bag!

Off to go completely negate this run with a whole freezer full of unhealthy food.

Yes, I'm really serious about shaving my head*

*Provided that we exceed our fundraising goal of $8,000 by June 1, 2012!

I've gotten a lot of questions and comments about my little, um, incentive.  Yes, I am serious.  Those of you who have known me for awhile know that if I say I'm going to do something, I do it. This includes shaving my head if the necessary precondition is met.  And yes, I'll post video/pictures if we meet our goal so please, go ahead and share this link to the entire world.  The more awareness of this project, the better.

I've also been asked "WHY!?!?!?!"  Well, honestly, it is a way to bring more awareness about Crohn's and UC.  For 10 years, I hid my disease from most people.  Bathroom issues could easily be explained as too much ice cream the night before or other poor dietary choices.  I would take my midday medications quickly, when no one was looking.  Being of Northern European ancestry, I'm pretty pale, which can explain some minor anemia.  (Unfortunately the bluish tint to my lips that occurs when my hemoglobin drops below 7 is a bit harder to explain!)  Basically, unless you were a Trusted Friend or family member, you probably didn't know I was battling a serious chronic illness and you certainly didn't know that it had killed my father. 

Hiding my disease was great for me--I didn't have to deal with that awful look of pity I sometimes get when I tell my story and as long as other people didn't know I was sick I could pretend that I was "normal"--but it was bad for research dollars.  The only way that IBD research will ever be properly funded is if people like me share their stories.  One in 200 Americans is living with one of these diseases right now.  That's a whole lot of people.  But if we patients all hide our diseases (and OF COURSE we want to hide our illnesses, just look at the symptoms!) no one will ever realize how prevalent the diseases are and no one will prioritize research into IBD.  And if I have to shave my head to get those research dollars, then so be it.  I'm happy to do it in order to find a cure. 

We can split the atom and put a man on the moon--we can find a cure for IBD.  Last night we had our Team Challenge Kick Off Party and I became even more dedicated to the cause.  One of my teammates is a mom whose six year old daughter has had her colon removed.  This same woman is also a wife whose husband has also had his colon removed.  I can't imagine how hard it is for patients fighting IBD to see their children bear this burden as well.  The only good thing about my dad's death is that he didn't have to deal with my diagnosis, as I have no doubt that my diagnosis would have killed him.  Listening to that mom tell her story, it hit me--their story may be my history, but I'll be darned if I'm going to let it be my future without a fight.

A little public humiliation is a small price to pay

So Michael has already sold his body in exchange for donations.  I'm thinking if we meet our goal that he would look really great in a tutu.  Oh, and there need to be polka dots as part of the outfit.  Megs, I know you read this, I'm making you my Chief Polka Dot Procurement Specialist.  Let me know what you find.

Anyways, we all know that I have really nothing to add with embarrassing outfits.  Heck, I'd probably pay someone else money so that I could run in a tutu and polka dot socks!  So that won't be much of an incentive.  And because I'm competitive, I need to up the ante.  I need something more than just a silly outfit if we meet our goal...

And so, folks, I humbly present to you the Katie Incentive.  If we exceed our (admittedly) ambitious goal of $8,000 by June 1, 2012, I will shave my head on Father's Day.  As you all know by now, I'm running this race in my dad's memory.  He would have turned 61 this summer, just days after the race.  Your donations will make sure that the next generation doesn't have to worry about Crohn's or ulcerative colitis keeping them from making it to see another birthday.

So, want me to shave my head?  Donate today!  We are already at 10% of our goal and are making progress!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Michael's Top 10...

...reasons to support Team Golden Colon (financial or otherwise, we welcome all support).

10. Your support makes Katie happy. When Katie is happy, my life is much easier. Please make my life easier.

9. A little known cause of the American Revolution was that the British refused to donate money to the colonists for medical research. You can trust me on this, I'm a historian. Moral of the story: Don't be like the British (donations keep your teeth looking nice - it's karma).

8. The Team Golden Colon Bracket Challenge is not going well for me. This isn't really a reason you should donate, but I welcome any and all sympathy.

7. Buried in the fine print of this blog is a clause that for every time you visit the page, you must donate. That's the risk you run when you get lawyers (like Katie) involved.

6. If you help us reach our fundraising goal before June 1, I'll let you choose the ridiculous outfit I run the half marathon in.

5. Your donations are tax-deductible. This is your chance to get your effective tax rate below that of most millionaires.

4. The person/family which donates the most will receive an actual Golden Colon statue. Several hundred years in the future, an Indiana Jones type figure will risk life and limb to recover this from a ceremonial temple. You can have it before it's protected by booby traps.

3. If you donate, we won't be forced to send Lisa to your house to drool all over your stuff.

2. As we all know, the zombie apocalypse will start with a disease outbreak. Are you really willing to risk a zombie apocalypse by not supporting medical research into a disease which impacts roughly 1.4 million Americans? That's a lot of potential zombies.

1. In all seriousness, this is a good cause. Because of Crohn's Disease, I never had the opportunity to meet my father-in-law. Because of Ulcerative Colitis, I had to stand helplessly watching as my wife of six months had a crash cart called because a blood transfusion was not going well. These are selfish, personal reasons why I support Team Challenge and its mission to raise money for research into Crohn's and Colitis, but there are millions of families out there who could tell similar stories. Please, if you haven't already, consider supporting Team Golden Colon and help us fight these diseases.

1.4 million is an awfully big number...

There are 1.4 million Americans living with Crohn's and ulcerative colitis.  Each patient has a family and some families have more than one member living with these diseases.  I've been both a family member and a patient so I've seen both sides.  And both sides stink.  One of the reasons this cause is so important to me is that I see how much better treatment is now than when my dad was sick and I want the next generation to have a better life than I do.  IBD robbed me of so many things--telling my dad I'd been accepted to Notre Dame (his dream!), dancing with him at my wedding, my naval commission, a normal adulthood, etc.  The list could go on and until we find a cure, the list will go on for 1.4 million Americans. 

Please.  Help us end these diseases and provide a brighter future for the next generation.  They are why I run.  I want the list to stop for them.  Your donation to CCFA (click "Donate now" on the right) can help us reach this goal.

Oh that pride

Remember last week's post about how wonderful my 16 mile run was?  Um yeah.  18 miles was not quite as awesome.  At all.  In fact, it left me somewhat broken.  It was 20 degrees warmer than any other run I'd attempted this spring so I ran out of water in the first 12 miles.  Thankfully, a wonderfully apathetic gas station employee gave me the bathroom key to fill up my water bottles.  (Bless you, gas station employee!)  That helped, but there were multiple walk breaks.  Michael and I still finished 18 miles but it was slow--I think we averaged 11 minute miles, which is 45 seconds slower per mile than last week.  This was a good wake up call to rid me of my delusions of grandeur.  (Oh sure, a 4 hour first marathon, no problem, I can do it!)  I've become much more realistic in my goals.  Just got to finish and the time doesn't matter.  Right?

In case you missed it somewhere else

Introducing the First Annual Golden Colon Bracket Challenge!

Sign up for the Team Golden Colon Bracket Challenge at http://tgc1.mayhem.cbssports.com/e?ttag=12_cbsinv. Our group password is TCibd2012. If you have any questions or problems getting set up, email Michael at mjeterboldt@gmail.com. Once the Selection Show airs, pick your teams and you're set to go! You can pay for your brackets by either giving money to Katie or Michael or visit our fundraising website and make a donation online. If you were one of the overachievers who donated to Team Golden Colon prior to 5 pm CST on March 8, 2012, then you will get one free bracket if you choose to enter.

The fine print:

1. Brackets must be created by tip-off of the first first round games on Thursday, March 15.

2. You can create up to 3 brackets per id - if you would like to have more than 3 brackets, let me know so we can get you multiple ids.

3. No donation to Team Golden Colon is necessary to play; however...

4. To be eligible for the prizes, you must make a $10 donation PER BRACKET (You do not have to make all of your brackets eligible, but if you do not, you must specify which bracket(s) the donation applies to) before tip-off of the first third round game.

5. Prizes: We will "pay out" 25% of the donations for the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation we raise through this little venture. The first place finisher will receive 60% of the 25%, the second place will get 30% of the 25%, and third will get 10%. Example: We raise $100. The first place finisher will get $15.

6. If any of the brackets created by Katie and Michael finish 1, 2, or 3 (not likely), the money stays with Crohn's and Colitis (actually, all of the money stays with them - we're not pulling people's donations out to pay the winners). But at least if you lose you can feel good that more money is going to research

The bottom line:

So enjoy this week's conference tournaments and get signed up for the Team Golden Golden Bracket Challenge. Please forward this email to as many people as possible--the more the merrier! Remember, everybody wins--you get a tax deduction no matter what and money goes to research for Crohn's Disease and ulcerative colitis. Trust us, these diseases are pretty crappy to live with, and the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation is the main source of funding for research to find a cure. Your generous donation will go a long way to make life better for 1.4 million Americans living with these diseases and to hopefully someday find a cure.

That is why I can't be trusted with nice things

Ah, tempo runs.  Another example of my fragile grip on sanity, as I actually enjoy these things.  Anyways, today at the gym as I was finishing my cool down after a good workout, I was spastically waving my arms.  Somehow I managed to hit the the headphone wire in such a way that I caused the iPod to become unclipped and go flying.  It hit the woman on the treadmill next to me and then went under the treadmill.  Awesome.  I was so embarrassed.  I think the iPod is OK, but if it isn't, that's why I bought the cheapest one I could find. 

A slight difference of opinion

In case you were wondering, dear readers (I do have readers, right?) another long run took place last weekend.  16 miles this time.  I thought it went well.  In fact, with about 4 miles left, I told Michael how awesome I felt.  I believe I used the word "euphoric" to describe my mental and physical condition at the time.  He grunted something that I think was supposed to suggest that what I called "euphoria" was really "delirium".  Whatever.  Next up, 18 miles!

The couple that chafes together...

...apparently just ran together. As the Dear Leader (that's not being used anymore, right?) mentioned in her last post, we had our longest run to date last weekend. Tomorrow, it'll be a new longest run to date. At any rate, that's not the point. As I'm sure you will all be thrilled to hear, nearly two and a half hours of sweaty fabric rubbing on skin does some unpleasant things. Normally I'd spare you the details of this, except that Katie and I ended up with matching raw spots on our collar bones after our shirts decided we needed semi-permanent reminders that we're idiots for doing this. While I'm sure the shirts (being capable of rational thought and all) were only looking out for us, it is rather embarrassing to have matching raw spots. Luckily, no one is the wiser (other than those of you reading this) because the neckline of my apparel tends to be a bit higher than Katie's.

So you see, despite the borderline inappropriate topic (I'll save you a discussion of what our toenails look like right now), it really is a touching story of two crazy kids so in love they manage to disfigure themselves in similar fashion. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to turn this into the next great romantic comedy.