Now Accepting Applications

Katie's previous post got me thinking. Sure, the Budweiser Clydesdales are unlikely to break free and attempt to chase us down with the goal of eating us (although they might - I don't know what Budweiser puts in their beer, but it can't possibly be the stuff that's supposed to be in beer). But if they did, I imagine I could run a lot farther a lot faster.

And that is where you, dear readers, come in. We are now accepting applications for the vital role of "Miles 20 to 26.2 Zombie Stalker." This position is responsible for the very important task of motivating Katie and I over the last 6.2 miles of the St. Louis Marathon. You will be required to look and act like a zombie so that Katie and I spend the last 6.2 miles worrying about you trying to eat us rather than the fact that the first person who ran this distance dropped dead at the end of it.

To apply, please contact either Katie or myself and provide a recent 10k time (we need to know you can go the distance, especially while shuffling erratically) and a list of the zombie related media you have consumed in the last year (we need to be sure the motivation feels real). As an added bonus, if you are currently one of the top contributors to Team Golden Colon, volunteering to assist us in this vital role will remove you from the list of people in line to receive a Golden Colon reward (unless you want the Golden Colon statue, in which case doing this qualifies you for the Golden Esophagus add-on reward).